YYH and the Holy Grail
by Himizu-chan
Summary: A re-post of my first parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, performed by everyone's favorite Yu Yu Hakusho characters, and made even more hilarious by the antics of three twisted authoresses. Complete!
1. In Which It Begins

A/N: This is the new, improved version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's basically the same as the one that USED to be on here (and if I ever find out who reported me the first time when I didn't even do anything wrong… grrr…), but I changed the format from script to… paragraph, or whatever you call this, plus I deleted the Party chapter and one or two scenes that were more… how should I say this… they made more sense when I wrote them the first time… Well, you'll figure it out. If you want my "outtakes" so to speak, just email me, and I'll send them to you. And if you're wondering why I'm reposting this fic now, let's just say… I'm leading up to something. You'll find out what it is… when I'm ready. Until then, enjoy Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Take II!

Himizu stood in the middle of a newly constructed building that resembled a movie-making studio. Various strange items that seemed to have no possible use lay around the place, but Himizu seemed oblivious to the mess as she smiled at the camera.

"Okay, call me crazy, but I've decided to do a parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail!"

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" Ryouko and Saru exclaimed, suddenly appearing on either side of the girl (the better to confuse her).

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME CRAZY?" cried Himizu.

"YOU TOLD US WE COULD!" her friends yelled back.

"I did? When?"

"At the beginning of the fic…"

Himizu reread the first two paragraphs. "Oh… I did… I didn't mean for you to take it literally!"

"-.- BAKA!" the two other girls exclaimed.

Himizu rolled her eyes. "Christ… I need better friends… Anywho, this is a parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The definition of a parody is a literary or musical work imitating the characteristic style of some other work or a writer or composer in a satirical or humorous way. For those of you who aren't literary geniuses and have no idea what I just said, it means to take something and make fun of it, making it even funnier.

"It also means a poor or weak imitation…" Ryouko reminded her.

"-.- SHUT THE HELL UP!" Himizu screamed.

Ryouko was thrown against the wall by the force of Himizu's yelling. "Ow…"

Himizu cackled like a maniac. "FEAR ME!"

"-.-; Shut up…" Saru exclaimed, smacking Himizu with a whiffle bat.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Himizu laughed.

Saru sweatdropped, then smacked Himizu with a club.

"Owie… Pain… Hurt… Pain… Did I mention that I was in pain?" Himizu asked, clutching her head in agony.

"No, I think you forgot that part…" Ryouko said sarcastically.

"Oh… Well, I'm in pain." Himizu evidently had not noticed the sarcasm.

Ryouko and Saru smacked their foreheads simultaneously.

Himizu grinned sheepishly. "Heh heh heh… Why don't you just read?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I do not own the rights to Monty Python, but I am the proud owner of a copy of the Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD, which Saru so kindly gave me for my birthday! Yay! And if you sue me, I shall not give up my DVD! I shall instead give you my trigonometry book because I hate math.

Himizu was running around in circles, totally hysterical. "OH MY GOD! WE'RE BEHIND SCHEDULE! WHERE'S MY CLIPBOARD! WHERE'S MY MOUNTAIN DEW! WHERE ARE MY ASSISTANTS! AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY DIRECTOR'S CHAIR!"

"You don't have a director's chair, Himizu no baka," Ryouko told her.

"And you just started writing two minutes ago, so how can we be behind schedule already?" Saru asked.

"Good point… but not the point. Let's give everybody their scripts and maybe film a scene before I get totally pissed off and order my singing ferrets to kill them all." Himizu handed scripts to her assistants/friends/cohorts/partners in crime.

"Yes ma'am…" Ryouko and Saru said, making crazy signs behind her back.

A Little Later

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!" cried Yusuke.

"You don't like it?" Himizu asked.

"Why is Koenma the main character?" Yusuke demanded.

Himizu lifted an eyebrow. "Because he's the closest thing to a king I've got and I don't like you."

"You're evil."

"I do my best. Now are you guys going to start acting or am I going to have to beat the living shit out of you?"

The answer came in the form of inaudible mumbling. Himizu's eyes began to glow red.

"I can't hear you…"

The Cast lifted the volume to a whisper. "Yes ma'am…"

"-.- Run."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the Cast, for once taking the girl's advice.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" she laughed, chasing them with bombs.

"It's Karasu all over again!" cried Kurama.

"I heard that," the crown demon exclaimed.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Kurama.

"Karasu? What the hell is the crow doing here?" asked Ryouko.

"Well, Bui needs to kill somebody… and Karasu seemed the most deserving…" Himizu smirked slightly as she said this.

"BUI! BUI!" Ryouko ran off happily in search of Bui.

"Hiei, go fetch her!" Himizu exclaimed.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because. Do it."

"Make me."

"Fine." She pulled out a clown wig, a pink shirt, and a matching skirt.

"O.O You are twisted," Hiei yelped.

"Damn straight! Now, begin the credits!"

Crickets chirped.

"We're doomed…" Himizu said with a sigh.

A Random Narrator Dude walked out and stood in the middle of the filming area. "We are now about to present one of the most hilarious films ever created in the history of the earth, and we're about to make it even better thanks to the deranged talents of Himizu the Almighty Authoress whose insanity is said to make even the most rational person a raving madman after only ten seconds of her company and…"

Both of Himizu's eyebrows bounced up towards her hairline. "That's sweet of you to say, but I didn't hire you for the compliments… Let's get back to the story before I sic my stampeding wombats on you."

"Yes ma'am!" yelped the Random Narrator Dude. "Anyways, we are proud to present to you… Monty Python and the Holy Grail!"

"CUT!" Himizu yelled. The Cast, the Random Narrator Dude, Ryouko, and Saru looked at her quizzically. She smiled. "Cookie break!" Everyone did an Anime fall.

A/N: I will update this fic pretty often, I hope. Basically, whenever I finish revising a chapter, I hope to post it. We'll see how this goes. Hope you all enjoy! Review please! Ja ne!


	2. Of Coconuts and Swallows

A/N: You'll notice that parts of the rest of the chapters remain in script format. This is not because I'm lazy (well, that's part of it... but that's beside the point), this is because I think it's less confusing for everyone. Hope you don't mind.

Himizu was hopping around like a rabbit on sugar. "Okay people, we are now going to start! Places please!" Nobody moved. -.-# "I said PLACES PLEASE!" Everyone scrambled into position. "Thank you. ACTION!"

The Random Narrator Dude stood off to one side. "As dramatic music plays in the background, two figures… rode… through…"

"They're not riding anything. They're… galloping…" Himizu pointed out. Maybe he was illiterate… she'd have to interview her narrators more carefully.

"I know… I was reading my script…" the Random Narrator Dude told her.

"NANI!" Himizu yelped, seizing the script. She saw many changes made in pink permanent marker. "Ugh, pink, pink bad, pink like flamingo, flamingo bad, flamingo pink, flamingo eat shrimp, shrimp pink, shrimp bad, shrimp made flamingo pink… It definitely wasn't me who made changes to this thing. I hate pink."

Everyone fell over.

"Never would've guessed!" Ryouko yelled.

"I know. I'm so good at hiding my emotions. Now…" Himizu printed off a new script for Random Narrator Dude. "If I ever find out who messed up his script, he or she will pay…" She cracked her knuckles and glared menacingly at everyone.

The Random Narrator Dude coughed nervously, but continued. "Anyway… The two figures galloped through the mist while one of them banged the two halves of a coconut together."

"Put a lime in your coke, you nut!" Saru sang.

"SARU!" Himizu screamed.

"Sorry… couldn't resist," Saru said innocently. Himizu glared. -.-#

The Random Narrator Dude coughed again. "Yes, well… The second figure banged the two halves of the coconuts together… clop, clop, clop…"

King Koenma: Whoa there!

Random Narrator Dude: The clopping stops.

Soldier Chuu: (Drunk) Hic! Halt! Who goes there?

King Koenma: It is I, King Koenma, son of King Enma, from the castle of Reiki, King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

Soldier Chuu: Pull the (hic) other one!

King Koenma: I am... and this is my trusty servant George. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

Soldier Chuu: Hic! What? Ridden on a horse?

King Koenma: Yes.

Soldier Chuu: You're (hic) using coconuts!

King Koenma: What!

Soldier Chuu: You've (hic) got two empty halves of coconuts an' yer (hic) bangin' 'em together!

King Koenma: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Merciai, through…

Soldier Chuu: Hic! Where'd you get the (hic) coconuts?

King Koenma: -.-# We found them.

Soldier Chuu: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Koenma: What the heck do you mean?

Soldier Chuu: Well, this (hic) is a temperate zone.

King Koenma: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? Drunk idiot…

Soldier Chuu: Are you (hic) suggesting coconuts (hic) migrate?

King Koenma: Not at all. They could be carried.

Soldier Chuu: What? A (hic) swallow carryin' a (hic) coconut?

King Koenma: It could grip it by the husk!

Soldier Chuu: It's not a (hic) question of where he (hic) grips it! It's a simple question of (hic) weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not (hic) carry a one-pound coconut.

King Koenma: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

Soldier Chuu: Listen, in order to maintain (hic) air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its (hic) wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Koenma: Please!

Soldier Chuu: Am I right?

King Koenma: -.-# I'm not interested! I don't care! Shut up!

Soldier Rinku: It could be carried by an African swallow!

Soldier Chuu: Oh, yeah, (hic) an African swallow maybe, but not a (hic) European swallow. That's my point.

Soldier Rinku: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.

King Koenma: Will you ask your damn master if he wants to join my court at Camelot!

Soldier Chuu: But then of course (hic) African swallows are non-migratory.

Soldier Rinku: Oh yeah.

Soldier Chuu: So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.

King Koenma: I give up! Come, George!

Random Narrator Dude: And they ride off… clop, clop, clop…

Soldier Rinku: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?

Soldier Chuu: No, (hic) they'd have to have it on a (hic) line.

Soldier Rinku: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper! Or a yo-yo string!

Soldier Chuu: Hic! What, held under the dorsal guiding (hic) feathers?

Soldier Rinku: Well, why not?

"CUT!" Himizu yelled. "Damn, I cast well. Great job you two. But Chuu… You really need to lay off the sake. If you're drunk during the witch scene, I swear to heaven and hell that I will hunt you down and all the powers in seven hells won't be able to save you when I catch you… so save yourself a lot of pain and abstain for a couple hours."

Chuu gulped. "Ok, shelia."

Himizu's eyebrow twitched. "My name isn't Shelia, damnit!" she yelled.

Ryouko slapped her forehead. "She's still doing it!"

"Doing what?" Saru asked.

"The shelia thing. She knows what it means, but she keeps acting like he thinks that's her name. Eventually she's going to use it as an excuse to beat him up." Ryouko shook her head, but secretly wondered if Himizu would be kind enough to share the fun.

"Poor him… Oh well. Where are the rest of those cookies?" Saru was very concerned, as you can tell.

"Next scene people! Places! Action!" Himizu called.

The Random Narrator Dude cleared his throat. "In the slums of England, a cart master walks through the filth collecting the bodies of those that have died from starvation and plague and typhoid and malaria and chicken pox and the flu and the common cold and…"

"CUT!" Himizu yelped. "What in the name of Mountain Dew are you doing!"

The Random Narrator Dude shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry… got carried away…"

"-.-# See that it doesn't happen again, or you'll be back to being a server and run around for hours for no reason without getting paid," Himizu snarled.

"I'm still not getting paid," the Random Narrator Dude reminded her.

"But you're not running around anymore, are you?" Himizu reminded him.

"Good point…"

"Well?"

"Shutting up now…"

Cart Master Kido: Bring out your dead! (clangs a gong) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead!

(A nearby demon pretending to be one of the poor people coughs)

(Cart Master Kido clangs his gong again)

(The demon coughs again and dies)

Cart Master Kido: Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead! Nine pence. (clang) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out your dead! (clang) Bring out... (Gets attacked by a rabid raccoon) ...your dead… Help… (Raccoon runs off to terrorize other demons until Ryouko throws it out a window) (clang) Bring out your dead!

Yusuke: Here's one.

Cart Master Kido: Nine pence.

Kuwabara: I'm not dead!

Cart Master Kido: What?

Yusuke: Nothing. Here's your nine pence.

Kuwabara: I'm not dead!

Cart Master Kido: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!

Yusuke: Yes, he is. Don't listen to that retarded fool.

Kuwabara: I'm not retarded or dead!

Cart Master Kido: He isn't?

Yusuke: Well, he's definitely retarded. He will be dead soon. He's very ill.

Kuwabara: I'm getting better!

Yusuke: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

Cart Master Kido: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

Kuwabara: I don't want to go on the cart! T.T

Yusuke: Oh, don't be such a baby.

Cart Master Kido: I can't take him.

Kuwabara I feel fine!

Yusuke: -.-# Well, do us a favor.

Cart Master Kido: I can't.

Yusuke: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

Cart Master Kido: No, I've got to go to the Robinson's. They've lost nine today.

Yusuke: Well, when's your next round?

Cart Master Kido: Thursday.

Kuwabara: I think I'll go for a walk.

Yusuke: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?

Kuwabara: (singing) I feel happy. I feel happy.

Cart Master Kido: -.- (Hits Kuwabara on the head with a giant mallet)

(Kuwabara dies)

Yusuke: Ah, thanks very much.

Cart Master Kido: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Yusuke: Right. All right.

(King Koenma and George gallop by, still banging the coconuts)

Yusuke: Who's that, then?

Cart Master Kido: I dunno. Must be a king.

Yusuke: Why? He looks more like an idiot to me…

Cart Master Kido: He hasn't got shit all over him.

Himizu noticed that Koenma was about to explode. An evil grin fluttered onto her face. "CUT! Koenma, I give you permission." She, Ryouko, and Saru quickly slipped on earmuffs.

"YUSUKE!" Koenma screamed. Yusuke was slammed into the wall by the force of Koenma's shout. Then the studio blew up.

"-.-() Damn you all," Himizu snarled.

"Guess that means we need more money…" Ryouko said, suddenly looking more evil than usual.

"Great! I'll fetch the crowbars, the weapons, and the knockout gas!" cried Saru, running off. The Cast started in horror.

"YAY!" cried Ryouko.

"Sweet," said Himizu, grinning in a fashion resembling the Cheshire Cat.

"I wanna knock out the first old lady!" Saru screamed, running back in carrying all the aforementioned items. The Cast sweatdropped.

"Take a break chaps! Be back as soon as we get enough money to build a new studio! Ta ta!" Himizu and her cohorts ran off to wreak havoc.

A/N: Just to let you know, I do not go out with my friends armed with weapons to rob innocent old ladies… I only rob the guilty ones. Just kidding. I don't kill or injure people for money… I'd rather embezzle. No, bad criminal side! No more cookies! Bad criminal tendencies! Heh heh… Yeah. update soon… Read and Review! Ja ne!


	3. Bloody Pheasant

Himizu was dancing excitedly around the new studio. "Yay! We've built another studio! Time to film!"

"Damn," muttered Ryouko. "She's sugar high again."

"Everybody run…" Saru said.

Himizu was suddenly wearing big black glasses and examining documents showing the National Archives. "It's surrounded by guards… video monitors… and little kids on their eighth grade field trips." Then, without anyone seeing her move, she was sitting in her chair looking bored. "Are we there yet? I'm hungry. This car smells weird." Then she was staring at a wall. "It's a big blueish greenish man… with a strange goatee… this must be significant!" Then she was staring at a door. "Okay, who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?"

"Shut the hell up!" screamed Ryouko, whacking Himizu on the head with a mallet.

"Eh?" said Saru and the YYH Cast, looking totally confused.

"She just watched National Treasure…" Ryouko said with a sigh.

"Ah…" Saru said, nodding. The YYH Cast was still confused.

"She's gone Riley. Not that I blame her. Riley rules!" Ryouko explained.

(If you haven't watched National Treasure, you won't get this. Basically, I'm imitating and quoting my favorite character, whose name is Riley.)

"That was fun! Let's begin! Places!" Himizu said, suddenly acting normal… or as normal as she gets. The Cast fell over. Himizu looked at them in confusion. "What is their problem?"

Random Narrator Dude: King Koenma and his trusty servant George continued to ride when they came across a small group of peasants working in the fields. The King stops to question one of the peasants.

King Koenma: Old woman!

Dennis Chuu: (Still drunk) Hic! Man!

King Koenma: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis Chuu: I'm (hic) thirty-seven.

King Koenma: I… what? (Confused)

Dennis Chuu: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not (hic) old. (Pissed)

King Koenma: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'. (Annoyed)

Dennis Chuu: Well, you could say (hic) 'Dennis Chuu'. (Indignant)

King Koenma: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis Chuu'. (Thinking: Who thinks up these names anyway?)

Dennis Chuu: Well, you (hic) didn't bother to find out, (hic) did you?

King Koenma: I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked…

Dennis Chuu: What I (hic) object to is that you automatically treat me like an (hic) inferior!

King Koenma: Well, I am King!

Dennis Chuu: Oh, King, eh, very (hic) nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--

Shizuru: Dennis Chuu, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?

King Koenma: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?

Shizuru: King of the who?

King Koenma: The Britons.

Shizuru: Who are the Britons?

King Koenma: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.

Shizuru: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis Chuu: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes…

Shizuru: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Dennis Chuu: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of…

King Koenma: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Shizuru: No one lives there.

King Koenma: Then who is your lord?

Shizuru: We don't have a lord.

King Koenma: What?

Dennis Chuu: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week...

King Koenma: Yes…

Dennis Chuu: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

King Koenma: Yes, I see. (Becoming annoyed)

Dennis Chuu: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

King Koenma: -.-# Be quiet!

Dennis Chuu: ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major…

King Koenma: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Shizuru: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.

King Koenma: I am your king!

Shizuru: (Glare) Well, I didn't vote for you.

King Koenma: You don't vote for kings.

Shizuru: Well, how did you become King, then?

King Koenma: The Lady of the Lake... (Angels sing) ...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Koenma, was to carry Excalibur. (Singing stops) That is why I am your king!

Dennis Chuu: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

King Koenma: Be quiet!

Dennis Chuu: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

King Koenma: Shut up!

Dennis Chuu: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

King Koenma: Shut up, will you? Shut up!

Dennis Chuu: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

King Koenma: Shut up!

Dennis Chuu: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

King Koenma: Bloody pheasant!

Dennis Chuu: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

King Koenma: Bloody pheasant!

Himizu was shaking her head in disgust. "Peasant, Koenma, peasant!"

"That's what I said. Pheasant."

"They're not the same! Chuu is not a pheasant! He's a peasant!" Himizu exclaimed.

Koenma rolled his eyes. "Peasant, pheasant, same thing."

"No it's not. A peasant is a person of limited wealth and a pheasant is a bird that looks like a chicken."

"It doesn't look like a chicken. It looks like a nene," Ryouko put in.

"What's a nene?" Himizu asked.

"A cross between a duck and a chicken," Ryouko told her.

"But if it's part chicken, it should look like a chicken," Himizu mused.

"But it doesn't look like a chicken," Ryouko said firmly.

"It should have some chicken characteristics. The chicken genetics can't be wiped out," Himizu pointed out.

"Well, it didn't get the looks, that's for sure," Ryouko said.

"But it's related to the chicken, it must in some way resemble a chicken!" Himizu argued.

"It doesn't look like a chicken!" Ryouko argued back.

"It looks like a duck!" Saru yelled, hitting Ryouko and Himizu on their heads with mallets. "Or maybe a turkey…"


	4. Burn the Witch

The camera was at such an angle so that all you could see was Himizu's face. She grinned at it.

"Wow, that last chapter was fun. Ryouko and I still haven't resolved our disagreement about the pheasant…"

The camera angle widened to show Himizu being held back by Kurama, Koenma, and Mitari, while Hiei, Jin, and Chuu were holding back Ryouko.

"Come on ya pansy!!!" Ryouko yelled, trying to break free.

"Bring it on!" Himizu yelled back, also trying her best to break free.

"-.- Why is it always up to me?" asked Saru. Then she whacked them both on the heads with mallets.

"Stop with the goddamn mallets already!!!" Ryouko yelled.

"Holy hell woman!!! Are you trying to break our skulls?!" added Himizu.

"Okay… they've graduated from mallets…" Saru then pulled out clubs with spikes.

"Oh hell…" groaned the other two girls. They broke free and ran like mad.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha h…" Saru laughed, when BAM! She fell over unconscious.

Ryouko and Himizu stood over her brandishing mallets. "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" They high-fived each other, then looked at Saru's unconscious form. "MEDIC!!!"

Some random demons ran in, put Saru on a stretcher, and ran back out.

"Okay, scene four! Places everyone! Action!" Himizu yelled.

Random Narrator Dude: King Koenma and his trusty servant George went riding through the forest in hopes of finding knights to join them at Camelot. As they ride, they hear the sounds of combat nearby.

George: I hear the sounds of combat nearby.

King Koenma: Shut up!

(Black Knight Bui and Green Knight Karasu fighting)

Black Knight Bui: Aaaagh!

Green Knight Karasu: Aaaaaah!

(Black Knight Bui kills Green Knight Karasu)

Black Knight Bui: Ho! Never liked you anyways, bastard.

(King Koenma and George approach)

King Koenma: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

Black Knight Bui: …

King Koenma: I am Koenma, King of the Britons.

Black Knight Bui: …

King Koenma: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot.

Black Knight Bui: …

King Koenma: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

Black Knight Bui: …

King Koenma: You make me sad. So be it. Come, George.

Black Knight Bui: None shall pass.

(Aside:

Himizu: Alleluia. He speaks.

Saru: For a minute there, I thought he'd forgotten his lines.

(Himizu and Saru crack up)

Ryouko: You two are mean.

Himizu and Saru: No more than you.

Ryouko: True.)

King Koenma: What?

Black Knight Bui: None shall pass.

King Koenma: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.

Black Knight Bui: Then you shall die.

King Koenma: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

Black Knight Bui: I move for no man.

King Koenma: So be it!

(They fight, Koenma chops Black Knight Bui's left arm off)

King Koenma: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

Black Knight Bui: 'Tis but a scratch.

King Koenma: A scratch? Your arm's off!

Black Knight Bui: No, it isn't.

King Koenma: Well, what's that, then?

Black Knight Bui: I've had worse.

King Koenma: You liar!

Black Knight Bui: Come on, you pansy!

(They continue to fight, Koenma chops Bui's right arm off)

King Koenma: Victory is mine! (He kneels) We thank Thee, Lord, that in Thy mer—

Black Knight Bui: Hah! (Kicks Koenma) Come on, then.

King Koenma: What?

Black Knight Bui: Have at you! (Kicks Koenma again)

King Koenma: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

Black Knight Bui: Oh, had enough, eh?

King Koenma: -.-# Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

Black Knight Bui: Yes, I have.

King Koenma: Look!

Black Knight Bui: Just a flesh wound. (Kicks Koenma yet again)

King Koenma: Look, stop that.

Black Knight Bui: Chicken! (Kicks Koenma yet again) Chickennn!

King Koenma: Look, I'll have your leg.

(Black Knight Bui kicks Koenma again…)

(King Koenma chops Black Knight Bui's right leg off)

Black Knight Bui: Right. I'll do you for that!

King Koenma: You'll what?

Black Knight Bui: Come here!

King Koenma: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Black Knight Bui: I'm invincible!

King Koenma: You're a loony.

Black Knight Bui: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.

(King Koenma chops Black Knight Bui's last leg off)

Black Knight Bui: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

King Koenma: Come George.

Black Knight Bui: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

Himizu nodded, pleased with the latest stretch of filming, extra pleased that Karasu had been killed, even if it wasn't for real. "Good job guys! Okay, witch scene! Villagers, get out here! CHUU!!! What is that?!"

Chuu hid a bottle of sake behind his back. "What's what?"

"-.- You're drinking again!" Himizu exclaimed.

"…" Chuu could think of nothing to say.

"-.-# You have two seconds to improve my mood," Himizu growled.

"Um… I love you?" Chuu said finally.

"O.O HOLY HELL!!!" Himizu yelped, running to the other side of the studio, twitching madly.

"?.? Just kidding…?" Chuu said finally.

"Thank God!" Himizu walked over slowly and cautiously.

"…?" Chuu was completely confused. Ryouko and Saru were rolling on the floor laughing their heads off.

"-.- Baka onnas. Chuu, get out there and act and you better do a good job or so help me…" Himizu growled, making a violent gesture.

"Meep! Yes ma'am!" Chuu yelped.

"Good puppy. Places everyone!" Himizu yelled.

Random Narrator Dude: In the middle of a small village, a group of monks walk along chanting their… chant.

Random Demons Dressed as Monks: Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. (Slap themselves on their heads with two by fours) Pie Iesu domine... (Bonk) ...dona eis requiem. (Bonk) Pie Iesu domine... (Bonk) ...dona eis requiem.

Crowd of Villagers: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!

Random Demons Dressed as Monks: Pie Iesu domine... (Pass out from hitting themselves so many times)

Crowd of Villagers: (Runs in dragging Witch Botan who is wearing a witch hat and a very fake looking witch nose) A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!

Villager Jin: We have found a witch. May we burn her?

Crowd of Villagers: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!

Bedevere Yusuke: How do you know she is a witch?

Villager Touya: She looks like one.

Crowd of Villagers: Right! Yeah! Yeah!

Bedevere Yusuke: Bring her forward.

Witch Botan: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

Bedevere Yusuke: Uh, but you are dressed as one.

Witch Botan: They dressed me up like this.

Crowd of Villagers: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...

Witch Botan: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

Bedevere Yusuke: Well?

Villager Jin: Well, we did do the nose.

Bedevere Yusuke: The nose?

Villager Jin: And the hat, but she is a witch!

Villager Touya: Yeah!

Crowd of Villagers: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!

Bedevere Yusuke: Did you dress her up like this?

Villager Jin: No!

Villagers Touya and Chuu: No. No.

Villager Touya: No.

Villager Jin: No.

Villagers Touya and Chuu: No.

Villager Jin: Yes.

Villager Touya: Yes.

Villager Jin: Yes. Yeah, a bit.

Villager Chuu: A bit.

Villagers Jin and Touya: A bit.

Villager Chuu: A bit.

Villager Jin: She has got a wart.

Bedevere Yusuke: What makes you think she is a witch?

Villager Chuu: Well, she turned me into a newt.

Bedevere Yusuke: A newt?

Villager Chuu: I got better.

Villager Touya: Freeze her anyway!

Himizu: Burn!

Villager Touya: Burn her anyway!

Villager Jin: Burn!

Crowd of Villagers: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!

Bedevere Yusuke: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

Villager Jin: Are there?

Villager Touya: Ah?

Villager Jin: What are they?

Crowd of Villagers: Tell us! Tell us!

Bedevere Yusuke: Tell me. What do you do with witches?

Villager Touya: Freeze!

Ryouko: Burn!

Villager Touya: Burn!

Villager Jin: Burn!

Crowd of Villagers: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!

Bedevere Yusuke: And what do you burn apart from witches?

Villager Jin: More witches!

Villager Chuu: Shh!

Villager Touya: Wood!

Bedevere Yusuke: So, why do witches burn?

(Silence)

Villager Chuu: Be...cause they're made of... wood?

Bedevere Yusuke: Good! Heh heh.

Crowd of Villagers: Oh, yeah. Oh.

Bedevere Yusuke: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

Villager Jin: Build a bridge out of her.

Bedevere Yusuke: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

Villager Jin: Oh, yeah.

Crowd of Villagers: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...

Bedevere Yusuke: Does wood sink in water?

Villager Jin: No. No.

Villager Touya: No, it floats! It floats!

Villager Jin: Throw her into the pond!

Crowd of Villagers: The pond! Throw her into the pond!

Bedevere Yusuke: What also floats in water?

Villager Jin: Bread!

Villager Touya: Apples!

Villager Chuu: Uh, very small rocks!

Villager Jin: Cider!

Villager Touya: Uh, gra…gravy!

Villager Jin: Cherries!

Villager Touya: Mud!

Villager Chuu: Uh, churches! Churches!

Villager Touya: Lead! Lead!

King Koenma: A duck!

Crowd of Villagers: Oooh.

Bedevere Yusuke: Exactly. So, logically...

Villager Jin: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

Bedevere Yusuke: And therefore?

Villager Touya: A witch!

Villager Jin: A witch!

Crowd of Villagers: A witch! A witch!

Villager Rinku: Here is a duck. Use this duck.

Duck: Quack? Quack quack quack?

Bedevere: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.

Crowd of Villagers: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...

Bedevere: Right. Remove the supports!

(Supports are removed, showing Witch Botan and the duck to weigh the same… o.O)

Crowd: A witch! A witch! A witch!

Duck: Quack?

Witch Botan: It's a fair cop.

Villager Chuu: Burn her!

Crowd of Villagers: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!

Bedevere Yusuke: Savages… (Turns to Koenma) Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

King Koenma: I am Koenma, King of the Britons.

Bedevere Yusuke: (Reads next line) I refuse to say my next line.

Himizu: Too bad. Say it. Now.

Bedevere Yusuke: Forget it.

Himizu: (Pulls out a bomb) I said now.

Bedevere Yusuke: O.O; Yes ma'am! (Reads line again) (Grits teeth) My liege…

King Koenma: (Smirks) And don't you forget it. Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table?

Bedevere Yusuke: (Still gritting teeth) My liege! I would be honored.

King Koenma: (Still smirking) What is your name?

Bedevere Yusuke: 'Bedevere Yusuke'…

Saru: Just say it Yusuke! Cripes…

Bedevere Yusuke: …My liege.

King Koenma: Then I dub you 'Sir Bedevere Yusuke, Knight of the Round Table'.

Bedevere Yusuke: Woohoo! I'm a knight!

King Koenma: And as your king, I command you to stop this unprofessional behavior at once!

"Oh, go screw Botan," Yusuke exclaimed, totally pissed off. The pair in question looked shocked.

"WTF MATE?!" cried the three authoresses.

"-.-# Yusuke…" growled Koenma.

"YUSUKE, WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOU S.O.B.!!!!" Himizu screamed at him.

"You should talk! Look at the words you and your buddies are using," Yusuke snapped at her. He was making Himizu angry… not the smartest thing he could have done.

"Shut up, bastard!!! That's it!" She seized the script. "Now wash your mouth or you'll find yourself playing Koenma's servant!"

"Eh???" yelped Yusuke, suddenly alarmed.

"I like the idea," said Koenma with an evil smirk.

"I do too actually. Now… I believe Sir Bedevere owes a king and a witch an apology." She sent a death glare in the boy's direction. Yusuke mumbled incoherently. Himizu laughed evilly. "You just signed your death warrant young man." Yusuke looked terrified as he wondered what kind of torture she had dreamed up now.


	5. A Blessing from the Lord

Himizu was cackling like a maniac. "This is so much freaking fun!!! I could watch this all day!!!"

Ryouko nodded happily. "I haven't had so much fun since we brought all the Anime characters to the fifth dimension and tortured them!" (See Big-Screen TV's for that story)

Saru looked thrilled. "This even beats robbing old ladies with our knockout gas and lovely weapons!!"

Yusuke was chained to a rock slab while a drop of water is falling on his forehead (Chinese Water Torture!!!), and to make it worse, he was also lying on small rocks while hundreds of ladybugs crawled on him.

"You damned annoying baka bastards!!! I hate you!!! Let me go!!! Damn all three of you!!!" Yusuke yelled.

"Shut your trap, you Makai-damned bastard," snapped Himizu. "You brought this on yourself. Now, will you apologize? Or do I need to leave you there?"

"Go to hell, bitch!"

"-.-# Fine, be that way. Fetch the Yusuke clone! He can perform just as well as this Makai-damned bastard can."

"o.O You have a clone of me?" Yusuke yelped.

The three girls nodded. "You betcha!"

"We took a sample of your DNA that one time that you got smashed by a rock and got cut… we took a sample of your blood and made a clone," Ryouko said.

"Meanwhile, you lay there bleeding to death under a giant boulder, but that really didn't bother us too much," Saru added.

"I hate you!" Yusuke yelled.

"GOOD!!!" the three authoresses yelled at him.

Yusuke sighed. "Fine, I'll do it! I'm sorry!!! There! Now let me go!!!"

"Good puppy. Places everyone! Action!" Himizu exclaimed.

The Random Narrator Dude cleared his throat. "The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Lancelot Kurama the Brave, Sir Galahad Kuwabara the Pure, and Sir Robin Shishi Wakamaru the-not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot Kurama, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill, and the aptly named Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film."

Toddler Koenma sat in a suit of armor, whining. "I can't move. I wanna go eat my cupcakes! Let me out!!!"

The Random Narrator Dude suppressed a snicker. "Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: the Knights of the Round Table."

Random Narrator Dude: At last… they approached Camelot.

Bedevere Yusuke: And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped.

King Koenma: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere Yusuke. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

Bedevere Yusuke: Oh, certainly, sir.

Lancelot Kurama: Look, my liege!

(Trumpets begin to play and a badly drawn cardboard model of a castle appears)

King Koenma: Camelot!

Galahad Kuwabara: Camelot!

Lancelot Kurama: Camelot!

George: It's only a model.

King Koenma: Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to... Camelot!

Random Narrator Dude: In the hall…

Random Knights: (Singing)

_We're Knights of the Round Table. _

_We dance whene'er we're able. _

_We do routines and chorus scenes _

_With footwork impeccable. _

_We dine well here in Camelot. _

_We eat ham and jam and spam a lot._

(Dancing outrageously)

_We're Knights of the Round Table. _

_Our shows are formidable, _

_But many times we're given rhymes _

_That are quite unsingable. _

_We're opera mad in Camelot. _

_We sing from the diaphragm a lot._

(In the dungeon)

(Prisoner Jin claps wildly)

(Back in medieval hall)

Random Knights: (Tap-dancing and still singing)

_In war we're tough and able, _

_Quite indefatigable. _

_Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable. _

_It's a busy life in Camelot._

Chuu: (Singing loudly and drunkenly) I have to push the pram a lot.

(Outside)

King Koenma: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

Knights: Right. Right.

Random Narrator Dude: So King Koenma and his knights rode around with no purpose when suddenly they heard the songs of a choir of angels.

Demons Dressed as Angels: (Singing) Oh say can you see!

Saru: Shut up! (Whacks them with a mallet)

God Enma: Koenma! Koenma, King of the Britons!

King Koenma: Dad?! What are you doing here?!

God Enma: Why son, didn't you know? I love acting and always have! It was my dream to be a great actor, but I had to ascend to the throne of Spirit World. Ah, fate is a cruel trickster. T.T

King Koenma: O.o

Himizu: Back to the show, back to the show! Exchange sob stories later, act now!

Botan: O.o Does she have a death wish? Speaking to King Enma like that… it just isn't done!

Ryouko: You must remember that we are special.

Saru: Oh yes, very special. (See Big-Screen TV's to learn why)

God Enma: Oh, don't grovel! One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.

King Koenma: Sorry.

(Thunder booms)

God Enma: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. (More thunder) What are you doing now?!

King Koenma: I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.

God Enma: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms… they're so depressing. Now, knock it off!

King Koenma: Yes, Lord.

God Enma: Right! Koenma, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.

King Koenma: Good idea, O Lord!

God Enma: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold!

Demons Dressed as Angels: (Singing) Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in his hat and called it Macaroni!

Ryouko: Tuneful singers they ain't.

Saru: Why did you hire THEM of all demons?

Himizu: Hey, the dumb work cheap and I need to save money.

God Enma: Koenma, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Koenma, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. That is your purpose, Koenma: the quest for the Holy Grail. (Thunder booms again)

Lancelot Kurama: A blessing! A blessing from the Lord!

Galahad Kuwabara: God be praised!

YYH Cast: O.o

Himizu: I know, that sounds just like Kuwabara, but that's actually his line.

YYH Cast: Oohhh…

Kuwabara: Huh?

Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru: Baka…

Random Narrator Dude: As the king and his knights galloped across England, they came across a castle.

King Koenma: Halt! (Calling out) Hallo! (Pause) Hallo!

French Guard Chuu: (In a really bad Australian/French accent) Allo! Who is eet?

King Koenma: It is King Koenma, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?

French Guard Chuu: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.

King Koenma: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

French Guard Chuu: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.

King Koenma: What?

Galahad Kuwabara: He says they've already got one!

King Koenma: Are you sure he's got one?

French Guard Chuu: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (Whispering) I told him we already got one.

(Other Random French Guards chuckle)

King Koenma: Well, u…um, can we come up and have a look?

French Guard Chuu: Of course not! You are English types-a!

King Koenma: Well, what are you, then?

French Guard Chuu: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!

Galahad Kuwabara: What are you doing in England?

French Guard Chuu: Mind your own business!

King Koenma: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!

French Guard Chuu: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Koenma King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!

Galahad Kuwabara: What a strange person.

King Koenma: Now look here, my good man…

French Guard Chuu: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Galahad Kuwabara: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

French Guard Chuu: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

King Koenma: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.

French Guard Chuu: (Whispering) Fetchez la vache.

Random French Guard: What?

French Guard Chuu: Fetchez la vache! The cow, stupid!

Cow: Moo!!!

King Koenma: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall…

(Twong!)

Cow: Moo!!! (Flies out of the castle and lands on Galahad Kuwabara)

King Koenma: Jesus Christ!

Other Knights: Christ!

King Koenma: Right! Charge!

Other Knights: Charge!

(Mayhem ensues, with various types of garbage being shot over by the French Guards)

(French Guards throw a monkey)

(French Guards throw a rubber duck)

(French Guards throw a dead fish)

(French Guards throw a rubber chicken)

(French Guards throw a rock)

French Guard Chuu: Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.

(French Guards throw a TV)

(French Guards throw a mango)

(French Guards throw an anteater)

(French Guards throw a water fountain)

(French Guards throw a tomato)

French Guard Chuu: And this one's for your dad!

King Koenma: Run away!

Other Knights: Run away!

French Guard Chuu: Thppppt!

(French Guards laugh like maniacs)

Lancelot Kurama: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!

Himizu: Very good Kurama! Let your violent side take over!

King Koenma: No, no. No, no.

Bedevere Yusuke: Sir! I have a plan, sir.

(Random sounds are heard)

(Wind)

(Saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw)

(Clunk)

(Bang)

(Meow)

(Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak)

(Rrrr rrrr rrrr)

(Drilllll)

(Sawwwww)

(Clunk)

(Crash)

(Clang)

(Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...)

(Creak)

French Guards: (Whispering) C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here...

(Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...)

(A giant wooden rabbit appears! Think Trojan horse, only it's a rabbit)

(French Guards take rabbit into castle)

King Koenma: What happens now?

Bedevere Yusuke: Well, now, uh, Lancelot Kurama, Galahad Kuwabara, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

King Koenma: Who leaps out?

Bedevere Yusuke: U…u…uh, Lancelot Kurama, Galahad Kuwabara, and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...

King Koenma: Ohh.

Bedevere Yusuke: Oh. Um, l…look, i…i…if we built this large wooden badger…

(Twong)

(Wooden rabbit comes flying out)

King Koenma: Run away!

Other Knights: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!

(CRASH) (Wooden rabbit lands on Galahad Kuwabara)

Galahad Kuwabara: Owww…

French Guards: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh...


	6. Knights, Chicks, and Carnage

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Go away!

Himizu was holding a whip as she faced the camera. "So sorry for the abrupt ending last chapter, but I decided that we needed to stop and take an emergency clean-up break…"

The camera angle widened to show Ryouko and Saru standing nearby also holding whips as the YYH Cast, the Random Narrator Dude, and various other random demons and minions crawled around on the floor cleaning up the remains of the French Guard battle.

"But as you can see," Himizu continued, "we're done here, so we're ready to begin! Places everyone!"

Random Voice: Picture for Schools, take eight.

Random Voice 2: Action!

Historian Onji: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Koenma. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Koenma became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Koenma, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Grail individually. Now, this is what they did: Lancelot Kurama…

Knight Hiei: Aaaah! Shut up!!! (Kills historian)

Genkai: Hooray! He's dead! I'm a widow! I get all his life insurance! Oh, happy day! (Dances)

Himizu: (Sigh) It's hopeless…

The Random Narrator Dude cleared his throat. "The Tale of Sir Robin Shishi Wakamaru. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favorite minstrels."

A Shishi Fangirl wearing a minstrel costume was pouting angrily. "I won't sing this song! It insults my beloved Shishi!"

"You have to sing it!" Himizu told her.

"Forget it!" the girl huffed.

"If you do it, you'll get three hours alone with Shishi and he has to do whatever you want!" Himizu said.

"YAY!!!" The Shishi Fangirl had hearts for eyes as she looked at Shishi seductively.

"Meow?" Shishi yelped.

"Hush. Continue please," said Himizu cheerfully.

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing)

_Bravely bold Sir Shishi rode forth from Camelot. _

_He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Shishi. _

_He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, _

_Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Shishi_

_He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, _

_Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken, _

_To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away _

_And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Shishi_

_His head smashed in and his heart cut out _

_And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged _

_And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off _

_And his pen..._

Robin Shishi: That's… that's, uh… that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.

Dennis Chuu: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.

Shizuru: Oh, Dennis Chuu, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.

(Three-headed man appears.)

Left Head Hiei, Middle Head Jin, and Right Head Touya: Halt! Who art thou?

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _He is brave Sir Shishi, brave Sir Shishi, who…_

Robin Shishi: Shut up! Um, n…n…n…nobody, really. I'm j…j…j…ju…just, um…just passing through.

Left Head Hiei, Middle Head Jin, and Right Head Touya: What do you want?

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _To fight and…_

Robin Shishi: Shut up! Um, ooh, a… nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh… j…j…just…just to, um… just to p…pass through, good Sir Knight.

Left Head Hiei, Middle Head Jin, and Right Head Touya: I'm afraid not!

Robin Shishi: Ah. W…well, actually I…I am a Knight of the Round Table.

Left Head Hiei, Middle Head Jin, and Right Head Touya: You're a Knight of the Round Table?

Robin Shishi: I am.

Left Head Hiei: In that case, I shall have to kill you.

Middle Head Jin: Shall I?

Right Head Touya: Oh, I don't think so.

Middle Head Jin: Well, what do I think?

Left Head Hiei: I think kill him.

Right Head Touya: Oh, let's be nice to him.

Left Head Hiei: Oh, shut up.

Robin Shishi: Perhaps I could…

Left Head Hiei: And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!

Right Head Touya: Oh, cut your own head off!

Middle Head Jin: Yes, do us all a favor!

Left Head Hiei: What?

Right Head Touya: Yapping on all the time.

Middle Head Jin: You're lucky. You're not next to him.

Left Head Hiei: What do you mean?

Middle Head Jin: You snore!

Left Head Hiei: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath.

Middle Head Jin: Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth.

Right Head Touya: Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea.

Left Head Hiei: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.

Middle Head Jin: Yes.

Right Head Touya: Oh, not biscuits.

Left Head Hiei: All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway.

Left Head Hiei, Middle Head Jin, and Right Head Touya: Right!

Middle Head Jin: He buggered off.

Right Head Touya: So he has. He's scarpered.

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _Brave Sir Shishi ran away…_

Robin Shishi: No!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _Bravely ran away, away._

Robin Shishi: I didn't!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. _

Robin Shishi: No!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _Yes, brave Sir Shishi turned about…_

Robin Shishi: I didn't!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet…_

Robin Shishi: I never did!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _He beat a very brave retreat…_

Robin Shishi: All lies!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing) _Bravest of the brave, Sir Shishi._

Robin Shishi: I never!

The Shishi Fangirl began creeping seductively closer to Shishi. "Oh Shishi, you were wonderful!!!" Shishi gulped nervously, eyes widening.

"Back, back!" Himizu yelled, lifting her whip again. "After the filming I said! Cripes…"

"What possessed you to do that?" Ryouko whispered.

"Giving Shishi to that slut, he's in deep shit now…" Saru added, also whispering.

Himizu smirked. "You've reckoned without the fact that she has to be eaten before the end of the movie."

"Oohhhh…" said Ryouko and Saru, smiling evilly.

Random Narrator Dude: The Tale of Sir Galahad Kuwabara.

(Lots of wind and howling and really annoying sounds, while Galahad Kuwabara runs around frantically sucking his thumb. He sees a Grail floating above a castle and runs up to it.)

Galahad Kuwabara: Open the door! Open the door! (Bangs on door) In the name of King Koenma, open the door!

Girls: Hello!

Zoot Botan: Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

Galahad Kuwabara: The Castle Anthrax?

Zoot Botan: Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!

Galahad Kuwabara: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?

Zoot Botan: The what?

Galahad Kuwabara: The Grail. It is here.

Zoot Botan: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Koto! Juri!

Koto and Juri: Yes, O Zoot Botan?

Zoot Botan: Prepare a bed for our guest.

Koto and Juri: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Zoot Botan: Away! Away varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big.

Galahad Kuwabara: Well, look, I…I, uh…

Zoot Botan: What is your name, handsome knight?

Galahad Kuwabara: 'Sir Galahad... the Chaste'.

Zoot Botan: Mine is 'Zoot Botan'. Just 'Zoot Botan'. Oh, but come.

Galahad Kuwabara: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!

Zoot Botan: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.

Galahad Kuwabara: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this…

Zoot Botan: Sir Galahad Kuwabara! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.

Galahad Kuwabara: Well, I…I, uh…

Zoot Botan: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young beautiful maidens, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life… bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!

Galahad Kuwabara: No, no. It's…it's nothing.

Zoot Botan: Oh, you must see the doctor immediately! No, no, please! Lie down. (Claps)

Piglet Yukina: Well, what seems to be the trouble?

Galahad Kuwabara: She's a doctor?!

Zoot Botan: Uh, she... has basic medical training, yes.

Galahad Kuwabara: B…but…

Zoot Botan: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Piglet Yukina! Practice your art.

Piglet Yukina: Try to relax.

Galahad Kuwabara: Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?

Piglet Yukina: I must examine you.

Galahad Kuwabara: There's nothing wrong with that!

Piglet Yukina: Please. I'm a doctor.

(Note: Yukina is simply reading her script and has no idea what she is doing, Kuwabara is enjoying this, and Hiei is off-screen absolutely dancing with rage.)

Hiei: That stupid piece of crap!!! He's not going to get away with this!!!

Ryouko: Easy boy. After the scene.

Hiei: (Glare) But I wanna kill him now!

Ryouko: You will wait. Now hush.

Galahad Kuwabara: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity.

Piglet Yukina: Back to your bed! At once!

Galahad Kuwabara: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!

Piglet Yukina: There's no grail here.

Galahad Kuwabara: I have seen it! I have seen it! (Gets up and runs out) I have seen…

Girls: Hello.

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh.

Girls: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

(Galahad Kuwabara runs into a girl who looks like Zoot Botan)

Galahad Kuwabara: Zoot Botan!

Dingo Botan: No, I am Zoot Botan's identical twin sister, Dingo Botan.

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh, well, excuse me, I…

Dingo Botan: Where are you going?

Galahad Kuwabara: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

Dingo Botan: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot Botan!

Galahad Kuwabara: Well, what is it?

Dingo Botan: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot Botan! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

Galahad Kuwabara: It's not the real Grail?

Dingo Botan: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot Botan! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think.

Left Head Hiei: At least ours is better visually.

Dennis Chuu: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.

Old Man Itsuki: Get on with it.

Hiei the Enchanter: Yes, get on with it!

Army of Knights: Yes, get on with it!

Dingo Botan: Oh, I am enjoying this scene.

God Enma: Get on with it!

Dingo Botan: (Sigh) Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot Botan. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon… You must tie her down on a bed and spank her.

Girls: A spanking! A spanking!

Dingo Botan: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me.

Koto: And spank me.

Juri: And me.

Yukina: And me…?

Dingo Botan: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

Girls: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!

Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex.

Girls: The oral sex! The oral sex!

Galahad Kuwabara: Well, I could stay a bit longer. (Eyes Yukina)

Hiei: (TWITCH!!!) (Reaches for sword)

Lancelot Kurama: Sir Galahad Kuwabara!

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh, hello.

Lancelot Kurama: Quick!

Galahad Kuwabara: What?

Lancelot Kurama: Quick!

Galahad Kuwabara: Why?

Lancelot Kurama: You are in great peril!

Dingo Botan: No, he isn't.

Lancelot Kurama: Silence, foul temptress!

Galahad Kuwabara: You know, she's got a point.

Lancelot Kurama: Come on! We will cover your escape!

Galahad Kuwabara: Look, I'm fine!

Lancelot Kurama: Come on!

Girls: Sir Galahad Kuwabara!

Galahad Kuwabara: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!

Dingo Botan: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!

Girls: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!

Lancelot Kurama: No, Sir Galahad Kuwabara. Come on!

Galahad Kuwabara: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily.

Dingo Botan: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily.

Girls: Yes. Let him handle us easily.

Lancelot Kurama: No. Quick! Quick!

Galahad Kuwabara: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!

Dingo Botan: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance.

Girls: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily...

(Lancelot Kurama and Galahad Kuwabara run out and slam the door

Dingo Botan: Oh, shit.

Lancelot Kurama: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.

Galahad Kuwabara: I don't think I was.

Lancelot Kurama: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

Galahad Kuwabara: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

Lancelot Kurama: No, it's too perilous.

Galahad Kuwabara: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.

Lancelot Kurama: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

Lancelot Kurama: No. It's unhealthy.

Galahad Kuwabara: I bet you're gay.

Lancelot Kurama: No, I'm not.

Hiei glanced almost pleadingly at Himizu. We all know he can't actually look pleading, but he tried. "Are you done?" he asked her.

"Yep," she said cheerfully.

"Good." He grabbed his katana and began chasing Kuwabara with it.

"Ha ha ha… Oh hello Kurama…" Himizu said, trying to stop her giggles when she saw the pissed off redhead.

"Why did you make Kuwabara ask me if I was gay?! My manhood is already in question without little stunts like that!" he yelled at her.

Himizu's eyes widened, a 'meep!' expression appearing on her face. "Um… It's in the script Kurama. What can I say?"

"Why did you make me Lancelot? Just about everyone else has a part that they at least sort of fit in to. And Kuwabara asked me if I was gay, damn you!" Kurama was definitely stuck on that point.

"-.-; Kurama, take a chill pill. I thought that would be best for you, although to tell you the truth, I think Monty Python is too insane for you. But fangirls would have killed me if I had left you out. I don't think you're gay; it's just the line," Himizu explained kindly.

"You could have taken the line out…" Kurama pointed out.

"True…" she said, an evil smile appearing on her face. Kurama developed a large tic mark and began strangling Himizu. "ACK!" she cried. (Translation: HELP!)

"I HATE YOU!!!" Kurama screamed at her.

"DIE KUWABARA, YOU PERVERTED JACKASS!!! YOU STAY AWAY FROM YUKINA!!!" Hiei bellowed. Yukina looked totally confused.

"TAKE OUT THE LINE!!!" Kurama screamed.

"AGGLE!!!" Himizu cried. (Translation: HELP! I'M DYING HERE!)

"HELP!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Kuwabara in a girly voice.

"DIE YOU BASTARD!!!" Hiei bellowed. He proceeded to destroy all the scenery in his quest to destroy Kuwabara.

"HELP!!!!!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!" Kuwabara shrieked.

"Not a chance," said Ryouko and Saru.

Hiei then chased Kuwabara towards the cameraman, who ran away. Shot of random parts of the studio appeared, accompanied by sounds of screaming, swearing, and supplicating. Then the camera went black. After a few moments, Ryouko appeared, showing a shot of Hiei hitting Kuwabara with a metal pole, Himizu with swirly eyes being strangled by an enraged Kurama, Yukina looked confused, Saru laughing her head off, and everyone else hiding. Also, the studio was on fire.

"We are experiencing technical difficulties… Please stand by… Hey, Mr. Camera Dude, are you alive?" Ryouko asked.

Camera Dude: X.X

"-.-() Guess not… We need a new camera dude now… Damnit… I think this chapter should end now before things get really bad…" The stadium blew up, sending a giant black mushroom cloud of smoke soaring 500 feet in the air and flames shooting up 200 feet… "DAMNIT HIMIZU!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO STORE THOSE NUCLAR BOMBS IN THE BASEMENT!!! Ahem… See ya'll next time… Things should be back in order very soon… (Shifty eyes) Kurama! Stop strangling Himizu or you'll kill her and we won't have an authoress to write this story and the reviewers will kill us all!"

The camera was thrown to one side, giving viewers a vague view of the carnage before it hits the floor and everything turns to static.


	7. Lancelot's Insanity

A/N: The intro bit for this chapter is definitely situational, but I always put an intro in and there's not enough information if I take the situational stuff out to make a good intro and I don't really want to worry about writing a new one, so this'll be one of the few things in here that is situational. Hope you don't mind.

Himizu hopped joyfully into camera view. "Hi ya'll! I'm back again! And I'm leaving again! Tomorrow morning, I'm leaving for another week of camp. So you all be good children and wait patiently for my next update, and if my computer is in any way harmed, you guys are screwed because the only copy of this fic is there. So don't hurt it." She glared at readers who guiltily put away sharp objects and flamethrowers. "Better."

"Heh. Glad I don't have to deal with them," Ryouko smirked.

"Damn you Himizu. Always running off," Saru exclaimed.

"Oh, deal with it." Himizu said. "You still need to review!"

"True…" Saru said.

"FUGGLY-POO!!!" screamed Lunacat, tearing in and trying to grab Himizu's squirrel.

"LEAVE MY RISU SQUIRRELY-CHAN ALONE!!!" Himizu yelled. "I was gonna let you take care of her while I'm gone, but I'm not going to anymore."

"O.O No Fuggly-poo? T.T" Lunacat's eyes started tearing up.

"-.-() Did you have sugar already?" Himizu asked.

"Maybe…" Lunacat said, getting shifty eyes.

"-.-()()() Let's just begin," Himizu muttered.

Random Narrator Dude: Lancelot Kurama and his faithful servant, Concorde George, were wandering through the countryside looking for the Grail.

Lancelot Kurama: Well taken, Concorde George!

Concorde George: Thank you, sir! Most kind.

Lancelot Kurama: And again! Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! Come on, Concorde!

(Arrow hits Concorde George in the chest)

Concorde George: Message for you, sir. (Passes out)

Lancelot Kurama: Concorde George! Concorde George! Speak to me! 'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of Swamp Castle.' At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! Brave, brave Concorde George, you shall not have died in vain!

Concorde George: -.-; Uh, I'm…I'm not quite dead, sir.

Lancelot Kurama: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!

Concorde George: -.-() I…I…I think I c…I could pull through, sir.

Lancelot Kurama: Oh, I see.

Concorde George: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir…

Lancelot Kurama: No, no, Concorde George! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular... (Sigh)

Concorde George: Idiom, sir?

Lancelot Kurama: Idiom!

Concorde George: No, I feel fine, actually, sir.

Lancelot Kurama: Farewell, Concorde George!

Concorde George: -.-()()() I'll, um…I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? Yeah.

Random Narrator Dude: Inside the castle… (Sigh)

(Princess Lucky Yukina and other girls sit giggling)

Guest Hagari: 'Morning!

Random Demon Sentry 1: 'Morning.

Random Demon Sentry 2: Oooh.

Lancelot Kurama: Ha ha! Hiyya! (Kills sentries) Damn, I could get used to this…

(Lancelot Kurama rushes into the castle and kills many guests)

Lancelot Kurama: Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!

Aside:

Himizu: Ya know, I have a feeling I shouldn't have given him so much sugar in his coffee…

Ryouko and Saru: (Anime fall) No, ya think?!

On screen:

Guard Yusuke: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room… aaugh! (Is stabbed) Kurama's a psychopath!

Lancelot Kurama: O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot Kurama of Camelot. I have come to take y… Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Herbert Kuwabara: You got my note!

Lancelot Kurama: Uh, well, I…I got a…a note.

Herbert Kuwabara: You've come to rescue me!

Lancelot Kurama: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't…

Herbert Kuwabara: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there...

(Music plays)

Lancelot Kurama: Well, I…

Herbert Kuwabara: (Singing) ...there must be... someone...

Lord Koenma: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you?

Herbert Kuwabara: I'm your son!

Lord Koenma: God forbid… I mean… No, not you.

Lancelot Kurama: Uh, I am Sir Lancelot Kurama, sir.

Herbert Kuwabara: He's come to rescue me, Father.

Lancelot Kurama: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

Lord Koenma: Did you kill all those guards?

Lancelot Kurama: -.-() Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry.

Lord Koenma: They cost fifty pounds each!

Lancelot Kurama: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything.

Herbert Kuwabara: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot Kurama. I've got a rope all ready.

Lord Koenma: You killed eight wedding guests in all!

Lancelot Kurama: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.

Lord Koenma: I can understand that.

Herbert Kuwabara: Hurry, Sir Lancelot Kurama! Hurry! (Climbing down the rope)

Lord Koenma: Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all!

Lancelot Kurama: Well, I really didn't mean to...

Lord Koenma: Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!

Lancelot Kurama: Oh, dear. Is he all right?

Lord Koenma: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!

Lancelot Kurama: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see…

Lord Koenma: Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot?

Herbert Kuwabara: Hurry, Sir Lancelot Kurama! (Hanging from the rope)

Lancelot Kurama: Uh, I am a Knight of King Koenma, sir.

Lord Koenma: Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country.

Lancelot Kurama: Is it?

Herbert Kuwabara: Hurry! I'm ready! (Still hanging from the rope… Fool that he is)

Lord Koenma: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?

Lancelot Kurama: Well, that…that's, uh, awfully nice of you...

Herbert Kuwabara: I am ready!

Lancelot Kurama: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. (Cutting the rope) Um...

Herbert Kuwabara: (Falling) Oooh!

Lancelot Kurama: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.

Lord Koenma: Oh, don't worry about that.

Herbert Kuwabara: (Falls) Oooh! (Hits the ground with a splat)

"Himizu… I'm going to kill you…" Kurama snarled.

"Could you wait until after this scene please? Pretty please?" Himizu gave Kurama her best puppy eyes.

"-.-# You're not that good at that…" he told her.

"-.- Well, screw you. After this scene, you can bring any grievances towards me that you have," Himizu snapped.

"-.-# Fine…" Kurama muttered, not very satisfied.

The Random Narrator Dude continued his… narrating. "In the large room, the center of Lancelot's bloodlust, we see a scene of carnage and tragedy."

Shots of people having a party. Tic marks appeared on Himizu's face and she glared at all of them.

"Heh heh heh…" the Cast laughed nervously.

Shots of people weeping and crying.

"Better," Himizu said.

Lord Koenma: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room.

Guest Hagari: There he is!

Lord Koenma: Oh, bloody hell.

Lancelot Kurama: Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha! (Swinging sword like a maniac)

Lord Koenma: Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please!

Lancelot Kurama: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone.

Guest Hagari: He's killed the best man!

(Angry guests)

Lord Koenma: Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Lancelot Kurama from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today.

Lancelot Kurama: Hello.

Guest Amanuma: He killed my auntie!

(Angry guests)

Lord Koenma: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert Kuwabara, has just fallen to his death.

Guests: Oh! Oh, no!

Lord Koenma: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter!

(Guests clap)

Lord Koenma: For, since the tragic death of her father…

Guest Mitari: He's not quite dead!

Lord Koenma: Since the near fatal wounding of her father…

Guest Mitari: He's getting better!

Lord Koenma: For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him.

Random demon playing Lucky Yukina's father: Uugh! (Is killed by Hagari)

Guest Mitari: (Blink blink) Oh, he's died!

Lord Koenma: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense.

(Guests clap)

Lord Koenma: And I feel sure that the merger…er, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Lancelot Kurama of Camelot…

Lancelot Kurama: O.O What?! (Thinking: Hiei will not be pleased…)

Guest Mitari: Look! The dead Prince!

Guests: Oooh! The dead Prince!

Concorde George: He's not quite dead.

Herbert Kuwabara: No, I feel much better.

Lord Koenma: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!

Herbert Kuwabara: No, I was saved at the last minute.

Lord Koenma: How?!

Herbert Kuwabara: Well, I'll tell you.

(Music plays)

Lord Koenma: Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

Lord Koenma: Shut uuup!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell!

Lord Koenma: Shut up!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell!

Lord Koenma: Shut up!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell!

Lord Koenma: Not like that!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

Concorde George: (To Lancelot Kurama) Quickly, sir!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell!

Concorde George: Come this way!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

Lancelot Kurama: (Staring at rope hanging from the ceiling that he's supposed to swing on) No! It's not right for my idiom!

Guests: (Singing) He's going to tell about his great escape...

Lancelot Kurama: I must escape more... (Sigh)

Guests: (Singing) Oh, he fell a long, long way...

Concorde George: Dramatically, sir?

Lancelot Kurama: Dramatically!

Guests: (Singing) But he's here with us today...

Lancelot Kurama: Heee! Hoa! (Crash!) Hoo!

Guests: (Singing) What a wonderful escape!

Lancelot Kurama: Excuse me. Could, uh… could somebody give me a push, please? (Hanging from the rope in the ceiling)

"CUT!!!" Himizu yelled.

"Finally!" Kurama exclaimed. He scrambled down and approached Himizu with murder in his eyes.

"O.O Meep. RUN AWAY!!!!" Himizu screamed, running away.

"Get back here, you freak!!!" Kurama yelled.

Himizu glared down as she clung to the rope on the ceiling that Kurama vacated. "Make me!"

"Fine!" He started climbing the rope.

"Stay away from me!" Himizu cried. "HELP!!! I'm gonna get killed!!!"

"Hey, Kurama, couldn't you wait until this is over?" Ryouko asked.

"No! I've had enough of this!" Kurama exclaimed.

"What's wrong anyways?" Saru asked.

"Well, Himizu knows, even if no one else has figured it out," Kurama growled.

"…" Ryouko and Saru looked at Himizu.

"-.-() Heh heh… It was unintentional!" she exclaimed.

"You have made me the subject of so many homosexuality jokes…" Kurama began.

"All a coincidence!" Himizu yelled.

"…you have made me a psychopathic murderous nutcase with no mind except for killing people…" Kurama continued.

"Admittedly, Youko might have been better at that part, although you did a good job," Himizu told him.

"…and you've abused me in general since I became a part of this cast!" he finished.

"Not true!" Himizu yelped indignantly.

"Then explain why I woke up tied and chained to the floor covered in bruises!" Kurama yelled at her.

"You can take that up with my lawyer, fox! It was a clear-cut case of self-defense!" she yelled at him.

"Bull crap! You provoked me by putting me into the part of this stupid character!" Kurama argued.

Himizu blew her hair out of her face in frustration. "Let me ask you something Kurama. Would you rather be a psychopathic nutcase who is accused of being gay, or would you rather play the roles that Kuwabara has been playing, the roles of a complete idiot and general baka?"

"…" said Kurama.

"Somebody get this fox to a psychiatrist!" Himizu hollered.

"Oh goody!" Ryouko exclaimed, grabbing Kurama and running off.

"This oughta be good…" Saru said.


	8. Knights of Ni

All that can be seen of Himizu is her face in this shot. "To everyone who wrote recommending a psychiatrist, thank you, but I already had one picked out. I decided to use my psychiatrist, Ryouko. Yes, she is my psychiatrist. And, as we all know, I'm completely normal, so she does a really good job."

The camera pulls back to show Himizu riding on a unicycle and holding those stick things that spin plates on them. She is also wearing one on those hat things with the arrow going through your head and a shirt that says 'Never be normal!'

"She's one of my most successful cases," Ryouko said happily. Saru sweatdropped.

"Why me?" asked Kurama.

"Because you pissed me off, baka! Now take your medicine!" Himizu exclaimed.

"What medici…" Kurama was cut off by Ryouko grabbing him and forcing something down his throat.

"What did you just do?!?!" Saru yelped, picturing lawsuits and chasing away lawyers with flamethrowers.

"I forced my cure-all foolproof medicine down his throat, guaranteed to cure any of your troubles except for hyperness and super-happiness," Ryouko told her.

"Dare I ask what it is?" Saru asked.

"MOUNTAIN DEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Himizu screamed, drinking a can of said drink herself.

"Himizu suffers from periodical depression, so I've ordered her to drink Mountain Dew whenever she's sad, and even when she's not. It helps to keep her from becoming depressed again," Ryouko explained.

"Tis true," Himizu said perkily.

"I'm doomed…" Kurama groaned.

"You are being saved!" Ryouko yelled, dragging Kurama over to a large beanbag chair and plopping him down as she perched in a comfortable chair and began to make notes on a clipboard.

"In the meantime, we're going to start this next scene," Himizu said.

Random Narrator Dude: King Koenma, Bedevere Yusuke, and George were still searching for their shrubbery for the Knights of Ni. King Koenma called out to an elderly lady by the side of the road.

King Koenma: (Calling to an old lady) Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?

Genkai: Mind your manners boy. Who sent you?

King Koenma: The Knights Who Say 'Ni'.

Genkai: Those bastards? I mean… Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.

King Koenma: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.

Genkai: Agh! Do your worst! Insolent pups.

Kind Koenma: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily... ni!

Genkai: No! Never! No shrubberies!

King Koenma: Ni!

(Genkai looks sick)

Bedevere Yusuke: Nu!

King Koenma: No, no, no, no, i…

Bedevere Yusuke: Nu!

King Koenma: No, it's not that. It's 'ni'.

Bedevere Yusuke: Nu!

King Koenma: -.-# No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No.

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma and Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma: That's it. That's it. You've got it.

King Koenma and Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

Genkai: Ohh!

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma: Ni!

Genkai: Agh!

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma: Ni!

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma: Ni!

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

Yanagisawa the Shrubber: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?

King Koenma: Erm... yes. -.-()

Yana the Shrubber: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.

King Koenma: Did you say 'shrubberies'?

Yana the Shrubber: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Yana the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

Bedevere Yusuke: Ni!

King Koenma: No! No, no, no! No!

"Remind me again why I decided to do this…" Genkai grumbled.

"Because we paid you?" Himizu asked.

"You didn't pay me!!!" Genkai exclaimed.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Heh heh…" Himizu grinned. Genkai glared.

"Now, Kurama, we are going to find the roots of those feelings of unnatural hatred towards Himizu," Ryouko told her patient.

"UNNATURAL FEELINGS OF HATRED?!?! THEY'RE PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED!!!!!" Kurama yelled at her.

"Denial… another side effect of hunger." She handed Kurama a Snickers Bar.

Random Narrator Dude: So King Koenma had his shrubbery and took it back to the Knights who say Ni… but a surprise awaited him there.

Himizu: NO MORE DRAMATIC TENSION!!!

Random Narrator Dude: O.O Meep. Sorry ma'am!

Himizu: That's better.

King Koenma: O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly... but there is one small problem.

King Koenma: What is that?

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.

Knight of Ni: Ni!

Other Knights of Ni: Shh!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky- ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv.

Knight of Ni: Ni!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Therefore, we must give you a test.

King Koenma: What is this test, O Knights of… knights who till recently said 'ni'?

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!

(DUN DUN DUN)

King Koenma: Not another shrubbery!

Knight of Ni: Ni!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!

(DUN DUN DUN)

Knights of Ni: A herring!

King Koenma: We shall do no such thing!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Oh, please!

King Koenma: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.

King Koenma: What word?

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear.

King Koenma: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: You said again!

King Koenma: What, 'is'?

Knights of Ni: Agh! No, not 'is'.

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'.

Knights of Ni: No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.

Bedevere Yusuke: My liege, it's Sir Robin Shishi!

Shishi Fangirl: (Singing)

_He is packing it in and packing it up _

_And sneaking away and buggering up _

_And chickening out and pissing off home, _

_Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge._

King Koenma: Sir Robin Shishi!

Robin Shishi: My liege! It's good to see you.

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Now he's said the word!

King Koenma: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?

Shishi Fangirl: _He is sneaking away and buggering up--_

Robin Shishi: Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it.

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: He said the word again!

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh!

Robin Shishi: I was looking for it.

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh!

Robin Shishi: Uh, here…here in this forest.

King Koenma: No, it is far from this place.

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...

King Koenma: Oh, stop it!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: ...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!

King Koenma: George!

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Wait! I said it! I said it!

(Knights ride away)

Head Knight of Ni Mitari: Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!

Knights of Ni: Aaaaugh!

"Any luck yet?" Himizu asked.

Ryouko shook her head. "Huh uh. He's a stubborn little jackass."

"No, no, not the anteaters!" Kurama cried, twitching violently.

"-.-()()() You're traumatizing him," Saru said.

"That's not my fault! If he'd just cooperated in the first place, I wouldn't have had to resort to drastic measures!" Ryouko yelped.

"Such as?" Saru asked.

Ryouko began ticking them off on her fingers. "Tickling him with a feather duster, forcing him to drink the hated Coca Cola, throwing anteaters at him…"

"Is that how he ended up like that? I knew Coke was deadly…" Himizu muttered, eyes narrowing as she thought about the hated drink.

"…" Saru was speechless.

"Good thing we don't need him for the next scene either," Ryouko said brightly.

The Random Narrator Dude shuffled his script. "And so, King Koenma and Bedevere Yusuke and Sir Robin Shishi set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Lancelot Kurama and Galahad Kuwabara, and there was much rejoicing."

Demons badly dressed as Koenma, Yusuke, Shishi, Kurama, and Kuwabara stand around waving three-inch flags lethargically. "Yay! Yay!" they said listlessly.

"In the frozen land of Reiki, they were forced to eat Robin Shishi's minstrels," the Random Narrator Dude continued.

"Get back! Eee!" shrieked the Shishi Fangirl, as she ran away covered in steak sauce. The demons chased her happily.

"And there was much rejoicing," Random Narrator Dude added.

"Yummy!" said the demons.

"Hallelujah!!!" cried Shishi.

"A year passed. Winter changed into Spring. Spring changed into Summer. Summer changed back into Winter and Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn," the Random Narrator Dude continued.

"WTF?!?!?" said the three girls.

"That's what my script says," Random Narrator Dude told them.

"Monty Python. Craziest bastards to walk the earth. Lemme see your script." Himizu took the script from Himizu. As she flipped though it, her eyes widened in alarm. "What the heck?! It's covered in pink permanent marker! Again! AAAHHHHHH!!!! The pinkness!!! Run for your lives!!!" She ran off, screaming like the lunatic she is. The YYH Cast stared after her blankly. Ryouko and Saru sweatdropped.

"Okay…" said Random Narrator Dude.

"SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lunacat shrieked suddenly, running after Himizu's squirrel. The Cast did an Anime fall.

"No more asparagus… please, no more…" Kurama moaned.

"I think it's time to bring in the heavy artillery…" Ryouko said as she walked off.

"-.-()()() Please finish the scene, Random Narrator Dude…" Saru said with a sigh.

"So this continued… until one day…"


	9. An Enchanter and a Monster

Himizu hopped out and screamed "Aaaaannnndddd we're back!" in the cheesiest possible announcer voice. Then she added, "Ryouko has successfully cured Kurama!!!"

The camera panned briefly to show Kurama reading a big heavy book on botany.

"How did she manage it, you may well ask!" Himizu continued. "Well, the secret was…!" Ryouko clamped her hand over Himizu's mouth.

"Shut up fool! No need to give all my secrets away to the world!"

"Secrets? What secrets?" asked Saru. "That's not…!" Ryouko clamped her other hand over Saru's mouth.

"-.-# Will you two shut up?! You're going to ruin my career!"

The YYH Cast traded confused looks. Then Kurama started going all fuzzy and began to fade out.

YYAGGH!!!" Ryouko cried. She ran to a hidden projector and started fiddling with it.

"?.? Kurama?" asked the YYH Cast, very concerned.

"WE TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK!!!" Himizu and Saru yelled.

"No, shut up, all we have to do is wipe their memories and…" Ryouko was definitely frantic.

"And the memories of all the people who saw this…" Himizu muttered.

"What?" Ryouko exclaimed.

Himizu pointed to Lunacat, who was holding was camera. "Did you get all that?!" she asked her camera girl.

"You betcha!" she yelled. She ate some sugar. "Whee!!!"

"-.-() Just protect the film…" Himizu groaned.

"Gotcha!" they hyper camera girl exclaimed, eating more sugar.

"Damnit! My projector is broken and I can't display my holographic Kurama anymore!!! Curses…" Ryouko muttered.

"So where is Kurama really?" Saru asked.

"Locked in a room full of turnips. If that doesn't cure him, nothing will," Ryouko stated.

The YYH Cast, Himizu, and Saru did an Anime fall. "Right… Whatever…"

"O YE OF LITTLE FAITH!!! HAVE FAITH IN THE TURNIPS!!!" Ryouko cried.

The camera briefly showed Kurama locked in a room full of turnips crouched in a corner twitching and whimpering.

Random Narrator Dude: King Koenma and his knights came across the lands owned by the powerful enchanter…

(Shot of Hiei standing on a hill shooting random fire balls everywhere and blowing stuff up)

Hiei: This is fun…

Ryouko: Shut up and act!

Hiei: Slave driver.

(More shots of Hiei blowing stuff up)

Knights: Eh. Oh. See it? Oh. Oh.

King Koenma: Knights! Forward!

(More explosions)

King Koenma: What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?

Hiei the Enchanter: I... am an enchanter.

King Koenma: By what name are you known?

Hiei the Enchanter: There are some who call me... 'Hiei'.

King Koenma: Greetings, Hiei the Enchanter.

Hiei the Enchanter: Greetings, King Koenma!

King Koenma: You know my name?

Hiei the Enchanter: I do. (Blows up something else) You seek the Holy Grail!

King Koenma: That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Hiei.

Hiei the Enchanter: (Evil smirk) Quite. (Blows something else up)

Robin Shishi: Oh.

King Koenma: Yes, we're…we're looking for the Holy Grail. Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.

Knights: Yeah. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Yup. Yup. Hm. Mm.

King Koenma: And so, we're…we're…we're looking for it.

Bedevere Yusuke: Yes, we are.

Galahad Kuwabara: Yeah.

Robin Shishi: We are. We are.

Bedevere Yusuke: We have been for some time.

Robin Shishi: Ages.

Bedevere Yusuke: Umhm.

King Koenma: Uh…uh, so, uh, anything that you could do to, uh…to help... would be... very... helpful.

Galahad Kuwabara: Look, can you tell us where…

(Hiei the Enchanter blows something else up rather viciously, silencing Galahad Kuwabara)

King Koenma: Fine. Um, I don't want to waste any more of your time, but, uh, I don't suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, um…find a, uh…a, um…a, uh…

Hiei the Enchanter: A what...?

King Koenma: A g…a…a g…a g…a…a g…

Hiei the Enchanter: A grail?!

King Koenma: Yes. I think so.

Robin Shishi: Y…y…yes.

King Koenma: Yes.

Galahad Kuwabara: Yup.

Knights: That's it...

Hiei the Enchanter: Yes!

Robin Shishi: Oh.

King Koenma: Oh. Thank you.

Robin Shishi: Ahh.

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh. Fine.

King Koenma: Thank you.

Robin Shishi: Splendid.

Knights: Aah...

(Hiei the Enchanter blows up a bunch of other stuff)

King Koenma: Look, um, you're a busy man, uh…

Hiei the Enchanter: Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail.

Knights: Oh, thank you. Oh...

Hiei the Enchanter: To the north there lies a cave… the cave of Caerbannog… wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged... (Blows up something else) ...make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail.

King Koenma: Where could we find this cave, O Hiei?

Hiei the Enchanter: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

King Koenma: What an eccentric performance.

Hiei was pissed. "ECCENTRIC PERFORMANCE?! I'll show you, you pansy!!!" He tackled Koenma and started beating the shit out of him.

Himizu started laughing like the maniac she was. "GO HIEI!!! BEAT THAT PRINCE!!! DOWN WITH AUTHORITY!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Saru smacked Himizu. "NO MORE COFFEE!!!"

Himizu smacked Saru. "I DON'T DRINK COFFEE!!!"

Saru smacked Himizu. "NO MORE MOUNTAIN DEW!!!"

Himizu smacked Saru. "THAT'S BETTER!!!"

Saru smacked Himizu. "THANK YOU!!!"

Himizu smacked Saru. "YOU'RE WELCOME!!!"

A tic mark appeared on Ryouko's head and she whacked both girls on the head with mallets. "KNOCK IT OFF BAKAS!!!"

Himizu shook her head dazedly, then grinned. "You'll notice that Kurama wasn't in this scene, mwa ha ha ha ha! But Ryouko has really cured him this time… Amazingly enough."

The camera panned to show Kurama reading a big heavy book on botany.

"I don't believe it," Saru said. She ran up with a giant mallet and bonked Kurama on the head.

"HOLY CRAP CHILD!!! THAT HURT!!!" Kurama yelled.

"Oops… Sorry Kurama-sama…" Saru bowed repeatedly as Kurama glared.

"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!! I win!" Ryouko cackled.

"-.-() Okay then… Now that Kurama is back to normal… NEXT SCENE!!!" Himizu yelled.

Random Narrator Dude: King Koenma and his knights accompanied by Hiei the Enchanter soon reached the cave of Caerbannog. Their horses were nervous and pranced wildly.

Horses: (Just stand there blinking)

Everyone: …

Himizu: Stupid horses… Oh well… Continue…

Galahad Kuwabara: They're nervous, sire.

King Koenma: Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot. Dismount!

Hiei the Enchanter: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!

King Koenma: Right! Keep me covered.

Galahad Kuwabara: What with?

King Koenma: W…just keep me covered.

Hiei the Enchanter: Too late!

(DUN DUN DUN!!!)

King Koenma: What?

Hiei the Enchanter: There he is!

King Koenma: Where?

Hiei the Enchanter: There!

(Eikichi (Kuwabara's cat) appears wearing little rabbit ears)

(Everyone stares at Himizu)

Himizu: What? You want I should have used Puu instead?

Everyone: …

Himizu: Thought not. Get back to work!

King Koenma: What, behind the… rabbit?

Hiei the Enchanter: It is the rabbit.

King Koenma: You silly sod!

Hiei the Enchanter: -.-# What?

King Koenma: You got us all worked up!

Hiei the Enchanter: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

King Koenma: Ohh.

Hiei the Enchanter: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Robin Shishi: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Hiei the Enchanter: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Galahad Kuwabara: Get stuffed!

Hiei the Enchanter: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Galahad Kuwabara: Oh, yeah?

Robin Shishi: You mangy Scots git!

Hiei the Enchanter: I'm warning you!

Robin Shishi: What's he do, nibble your bum?

Hiei the Enchanter: He's got huge, sharp…eh…he can leap about…look at the bones!

King Koenma: Go on, Bors Karasu. Chop his head off!

Bors Karasu: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

Hiei the Enchanter: Look!

(Eikichi attacks Bors Karasu)

Eikichi: Squeak!

Bors Karasu: Aaugh! (Dies)

(DUN DUN DUN!!!)

King Koenma: In the name of Enma-sama!

Hiei the Enchanter: I warned you!

Robin Shishi: I done it again!

Hiei the Enchanter: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them…

King Koenma: Oh, shut up!

Hiei the Enchanter: Do they listen to me?

King Koenma: Right!

Hiei the Enchanter: Oh, no...

Knights: CHARGE!!!

Eikichi: SQUEAK!!! (Attacks knights)

Knights: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

King Koenma: Run away! Run away!

Knights: Run away! Run away!

Hiei the Enchanter: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

King Koenma: Right. How many did we lose?

Lancelot Kurama: Bob.

Galahad Kuwabara: Joe.

King Koenma: And Bors Karasu. That's five.

Galahad Kuwabara: Three, sir.

King Koenma: Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

Robin Shishi: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

King Koenma: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.

Galahad Kuwabara: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.

King Koenma: Like what?

Galahad Kuwabara: Well... ooh.

Lancelot Kurama: Have we got bows?

King Koenma: No.

Lancelot Kurama: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

King Koenma: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Mitari carries with him. Brother Mitari! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

Monks: Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

King Koenma: How does it, um…how does it work?

Lancelot Kurama: I know not, my liege.

King Koenma: Consult the Book of Armaments!

Brother Mitari: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

Brother Kaito: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu-

Brother Mitari: Skip a bit, Brother.

Brother Kaito: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Brother Mitari: Amen.

Knights: Amen.

King Koenma: Right! One! Two! Five!

Galahad Kuwabara: Three, sir!

King Koenma: Three!

Demons Dressed as Angels: (Singing) Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream!

Saru: DIE!!! (Whacks them with a crowbar)

(Really big explosion that blows up the whole studio)

"EIKICHI!!!" Kuwabara screamed as his cat flew through the air. She landed on her feet, shook her head to rid herself of the rabbit ears, and fled with her tail all bushy. (I'm pretty sure that's what cats do when they're kinda freaked out)

"MY STUDIO!!! DAMN YOU ALL!!! NOW WE HAVE TO GO ATTACK MORE OLD LADIES!!!" Himizu cried.

Saru was already armed. "And you're complaining… why?"

"… Good point… Let's go! CHARGE!!!" Himizu and her two friends ran off. The Cast stared after them blankly, then did an Anime fall.


	10. Another Monster, Oh No!

A/N: Before we get started, I just wanted to say something. It's really a very simple request. Now I'm very open about accepting criticisms. I'm fine with flames. I like input. If I'm doing something wrong, I'd like to know about it. For example, at least three people have complained about the way I torture Kurama. I'm fine with people criticizing me about that. I won't change anything b/c I love torturing people and I have no problem torturing Kurama... besides, I don't even hurt him. Anyways, my point is that although I have no problem with flames, I do not like being called a bitch. Even an evil bitch. I realize that I am evil, but I got a review recently calling me a bitch and I had to resist great temptation to hurt the nearest thing to me. I don't mind if you criticize me. I am even okay with being yelled at and called evil, but I do not like being called a bitch. Thank you and enjoy the latest chapter. 

A/N Part 2: After receiving at least 3 reviews telling me that there was something confusing about this chapter, I went and looked and discovered that the computer apparently went crazy on me and messed up this chapter. But I have fixed it and reposted it. Sorry about that. I guess now you can tell that I don't proofread these once I load them on here.

Ryouko ran into the room, followed closely by Saru and Himizu. "We're back! What a hunt! That was amazing!"

"I especially loved strangling that kitten while that old lady was crying and all that! She gave us so much money! That was great! And burning their houses is fun too. I was born to be a pyro!" Saru smirked as she put her lighter away.

"So, now that we've built a new studio, are we going to start the latest scene? Himizu?"

The camera panned to show Himizu obsessively playing Spider Solitaire. As they watched, she suddenly glared and started swearing at the computer.

"Bastard computer… It's evil I tell you. It keeps telling me to play the wrong cards! It's corrupting me with its evil!" Himizu ranted.

"Child, you were corrupted to begin with," Ryouko told her.

"Oh… that's right, I forgot about that. Oh well. Now I'm even more corrupted," Himizu said.

"IMPOSSIBLE!!!" Ryouko and Saru cried.

From twenty miles away, Himizu yelled, "THANKS!!! I NEEDED THAT!!!"

"WE KNOW!!!" Ryouko and Saru screamed.

"YOU SUCK!!!" Himizu screamed back.

"GET BACK HERE AND START THE NEXT DAMN SCENE!!!" the two girls yelled at her.

"FINE!!!" Himizu snapped. She marched back and hit them both on the heads with mallets. "Next scene chaps!"

Random Narrator Dude: Inside the cave of Caerbannog… King Koenma: There! Look! Lancelot Kurama: What does it say? Galahad Kuwabara: What language is that? King Koenma: Brother Mitari! You are a scholar. Brother Mitari: It's Aramaic! Galahad Kuwabara: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea! Lancelot Kurama: 'Course! King Koenma: What does it say? Brother Mitari: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'. King Koenma: What? Brother Mitari: '...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'. Bedevere Yusuke: What is that? Brother Mitari: He must have died while carving it. Lancelot Kurama: Oh, come on! Brother Mitari: Well, that's what it says. King Koenma: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it! Brother Mitari: Well, that's what's carved in the rock! Galahad Kuwabara: Perhaps he was dictating. King Koenma: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else? Brother Mitari: No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'. Lancelot Kurama: Aaaauugggh. King Koenma: Aaaaaggh. Bedevere Yusuke: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue? Galahad Kuwabara: Where's that? Bedevere Yusuke: France, I think. (Aside: Himizu and Ryouko: Yusuke thinking? Gasp in horror! Saru: Nice… (Laughs) Himizu and Ryouko: Very.) Lancelot Kurama: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall? King Koenma: No, that's 'Saint Ives'. Lancelot Kurama: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives. Knights: Iiiiives. Bedevere Yusuke: Oooohoohohooo! Lancelot Kurama: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh. Bedevere Yusuke: N…no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm. Lancelot Kurama: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'! Bedevere Yusuke: Yes, but I…aaaaaah! King Koenma: Oooh! Galahad Kuwabara: My God! (DUN DUN DUN!!!) Random Panda: … (Holds up sign saying 'Roar!') Himizu: WTF? Wrong Anime! This isn't Ranma! (Kicks panda off the screen) Continue please. Helen: (Monster that Younger Toguro kills belonging to Gonzo Tarukane) ROAR!!! Brother Mitari: It's the legendary Monster Helen of Aaauugh! (Helen eats Brother Kaito) 

"HIMIZU!!!" Ryouko yelped. "One, she's supposed to eat Mitari! Two, she just freaking ate Kaito!!!"

Himizu looked at her. "One, do you think I'd really let Mitari-sama get eaten?! Two, no she did not just freaking eat Kaito, you're delusional!"

Ryouko held up Kaito's glasses. "Then where is he and why doesn't he have these?"

"Shit…" Himizu muttered. She ran up to Helen and started strangling her. "COUGH HIM UP!!! NOW, DAMN IT!!!"

"HACK!!!" Helen gagged, coughing up Kaito.

"Good girl. Here, have a fangirl," Himizu said, throwing a fangirl bitch at Helen, who ate her happily. "Back to the scene."

Bedevere Yusuke: That's it! That's it!

King Koenma: Run away!

Knights: Run away!

Helen: ROAR!!!

Knights: Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!

Helen: ROAR!!!

Knights: Keep running!

Helen: ROAR!!!

Knights: (Trying to hide) Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Bedevere Yusuke: We've lost her.

Helen: ROAR!!!

Knights: Aagh!

Random Narrator Dude: As the horrendous Monster Helen lunged forward, escape for Koenma and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.

Animator Elder Toguro: Ulk! (Passes out and dies)

Random Narartor Dude: The Anime peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue.

"Hey, Himizu, is it a coincidence that both of Karasu's characters died?" Ryouko asked.

Himizu looked at her with wide innocent eyes. "Why, do I look like the type of person that would force Karasu to play all the death scenes?"

"Let me think about that one… YES!!!" Saru exclaimed.

"You know me so well!" Himizu said, cackling like a maniac. "Karasu deserves everything he gets!"

"I love you too," Karasu said, pouting.

"I don't want your love! Go away! Shoo! … But leave Kurama alone!" Himizu added.

"Damn you. You spoil everything," Karasu muttered.

"For you only," Himizu told him.

"BULL!!!!" screamed Ryouko, Saru, and everyone involved in this parody.

"Where?" asked Himizu.

"… BAKA!!!" they yelled, slapping their foreheads.

The Random Narrator Dude cleared his throat, wondering why he had taken this job. "King Koenma and his valiant knights came across the Bridge of Death."

"Wait, what about Hiei?" Koenma asked.

"Dunno, he's not in this scene anyways and he went off with Ryouko somewhere…" Himizu paused, noticing that she was getting odd looks. "What is up with you people? Get your hentai minds out of the gutter! They're not doing anything they shouldn't be doing…" Her eyes widened and she froze. The Cast also strained to listen, as Himizu has obviously heard something.

"Come and get it."

"You'll be sorry you asked."

"Oh, that's good. More!"

"Oh yeah. More, keep it coming."

"Mmm… Mmm… That's good…"

The Cast stared in horror in the direction the voices were coming from.

Himizu twitched. "What the heck?"

"…Never would've thunk it… Ryouko and Hiei…? Ugh…" Saru muttered.

"Oh, that's it! RYOUKO!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Himizu yelled.

Ryouko threw open the door with a bang. "What are you yelling about?!"

The Cast peered in. They all saw Hiei sitting at a table eating sweet snow with a giant tub still half full between his bowl and another one, obviously just vacated by Ryouko. The Cast did an Anime fall.

"What the hell?"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!" Himizu and Saru laughed like maniacs, leaning on each other to keep from falling over.

"I don't even wanna know…" Ryouko groaned.

"I agree…" Hiei said.

(A/N: I'm sorry for the little flash of perversion and hentai crap… I don't know what came over me… I think it comes from reading the fics I do and I thought it would be interesting because I don't usually do things like that… (Is cut off as reviewers come to kill her for acting like an idiot) Ack! Shutting up now! Sorry about that, it won't happen again!)

Himizu wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "That was priceless!"

"You said it," Saru agreed.

"Okay people, let's take five and chill out for a bit. I think we need a break after this little… incident…" Himizu cracked up again.

"I have the weirdest feeling that you and I were used in some kind of joke…" Ryouko said to Hiei.

"Great… just what we need…" he muttered.

"Oh well, screw them. More sweet snow?" she asked.

"Sure."


	11. Bridge of Death

Disclaimer: I don't own The Holy Grail, YYH, or the NHL.

Himizu ran in with a huge scary smile on her face. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddd we're back!!!" She then started doing the moonwalk.

" O.O??? What the crap?" exclaimed the Cast.

Ryouko rolled her eyes. "Oh gods Himizu, get over it already!"

"Yes, yes, we know the NHL has reached a labor agreement, settle down already," Saru agreed. The Cast got huge sweatdrops.

Himizu looked normal for a moment, then started singing. "I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started! I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started! Get this party started…"

"SHUT UP!!!" Ryouko yelled, whacking Himizu on the head.

Himizu paused, then started a new song. "It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!!!"

Saru got a huge tic mark on her head and whacked Himizu on the head even harder than Ryouko did.

Himizu twitched, but didn't give up. "Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo! Yoake no mama de, koesou de! Butsukatteikya kokeru omoi yo! Konya mo mata, sure chigai!"

"What the crap?" asked the Cast.

"STOP SINGING KENSHIN SONGS, BAKA!!!" Ryouko yelled.

"But I'm happy! Don't worry… be happy!" she added, still grinning with pure joy.

"I'm not happy right now," Ryouko told her. "Actually, I'm really mad because I interrogated Saru and found out what you two were doing before the break… what you told the cast about me and Hiei while we were eating ice cream… -.-"

Himizu's eyes widened. "O.O Eep… RUN AWAY!!!" she screamed, running away.

Random Narrator Dude: Having made their way out of the perilous cave of Caerbannog, King Koenma and his knights made their way to the Bridge of Death.

Galahad Kuwabara: There it is!

King Koenma: The Bridge of Death!

Robin Shishi: Oh, great.

King Koenma: Look! There's the old man who told us where this bridge was.

Bedevere Yusuke: What is he doing here?

King Koenma: He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveler five questions…

Galahad Kuwabara: Three questions.

King Koenma: Three questions. He who answers the five questions…

Galahad Kuwabara: Three questions.

King Koenma: Three questions may cross in safety.

Robin Shishi: What if you get a question wrong?

King Koenma: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Robin Shishi: Oh, I won't go.

Galahad Kuwabara: Who's going to answer the questions?

King Koenma: Sir Robin Shishi!

Robin Shishi: Yes?

King Koenma: Brave Sir Robin Shishi, you go.

Robin Shishi: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot Kurama go?

Lancelot Kurama: Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the northeast that s…

King Koenma: No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions…

Galahad Kuwabara: Three questions.

King Koenma: Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.

Lancelot Kurama: I understand, my liege.

King Koenma: Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. Enma be with you.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Lancelot Kurama: Ask me the questions, bridge keeper. I am not afraid.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your name?

Lancelot Kurama: My name is 'Sir Lancelot Kurama of Camelot'.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your quest?

Lancelot Kurama: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your favorite color?

Lancelot Kurama: Red.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Right. Off you go.

Lancelot Kurama: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Robin Shishi: That's easy! (Runs forward)

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Robin Shishi: Ask me the questions, bridge keeper. I'm not afraid.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your name?

Robin Shishi: 'Sir Robin Shishi of Camelot'.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your quest?

Robin Shishi: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is the capital of Assyria?

(Pause)

Robin Shishi: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! (Is thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril)

(Galahad Kuwabara approaches)

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Stop! What... is your name?

Galahad Kuwabara: 'Sir Galahad Kuwabara of Camelot'.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your quest?

Galahad Kuwabara: I seek the Grail.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your favorite color?

Galahad Kuwabara: Blue. No, yel…auuuuuuuugh! (Is thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril)

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Hee hee heh.

(Bedevere Yusuke and King Koenma approach)

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Stop! What... is your name?

King Koenma: It is 'Koenma', King of the Britons.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is your quest?

King Koenma: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Koenma: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Bridge Keeper Itsuki: Huh? I…I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! (Is thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril)

Bedevere Yusuke: How do know so much about swallows?

King Koenma: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Happy music started playing.

"What the hell? Damn crew!" Himizu exclaimed. She threw a brick which must have hit someone on the head because only seconds later suspenseful music started playing.

"My, my, Himizu, the kindness you show to your employees is amazing," Ryouko said sarcastically.

"Isn't it though?" Himizu said with a smirk.

The music suddenly stopped.

"?.? What the crap? What happened to my crew?" Himizu exclaimed.

"… I didn't do it!" Saru exclaimed.

"I'm sure…" Himizu muttered, going to check on her crew.

(Two seconds later)

Hm… looks like the Blair Witch was here," Himizu said, looking at stick figures hanging from the ceiling. "Someone needs a creativity consultant… Whoever it is also needs to be my crew since they seem to be dead." She looked at the dead demons with about as much emotion as she would look at dirt. "I wonder who it was…" Her eyes searched the room and landed on the far wall. "… oh my gosh… oh my gosh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Windows broke everywhere in the building and on every building within a five-mile radius.

"What's up Himizu?" Ryouko called.

"Are you okay? Are you being eaten by a rabid raccoon?" Saru added.

"If she was, you were the one to give it rabies," Ryouko told her.

"Hey! That hurts me, right there!" Saru pointed to her foot.

"Um, don't you think it would be wise to make sure your friend is all right?" Kurama asked.

"Ah… Good point," the girls said.

"If it's a spider, I swear I'm going to kick her ass," Hiei said flatly.

"-.-; Your love for her overwhelms me," Kurama said.

"What? Hiei loves Himizu?" Saru had obviously missed the sarcasm.

"BAKA!!! Oh yeah, they try to kill each other because they love each other!" Ryouko exclaimed.

"It could happen…" Saru muttered.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oops, forgot. Himizu's still freaking out," Ryouko said, a slight note of guilt in her voice.

Ryouko and Saru ran off to find Himizu followed by the Random Narrator Dude, Lunacat, and the Cast. They found her lying on the floor twitching.

"Himizu?" Kurama said.

"Pink! Pink! Pink! Flamingo! Pink! Shrimp! Pink! Karasu! Pink!" Himizu shrieked.

"What the bloody hell does Karasu have to do with pink?" Saru exclaimed.

"Er… why don't we take a break while we wait for Himizu to recover? Then maybe she can clear up this mystery for us," Ryouko said.


	12. The Calvary Arrives?

Ryouko stood in the middle of the room, facing the computer. "Now that we've got Himizu calmed down, maybe she'll tell us what she was freaking out about earlier. Himizu?"

Himizu was drinking Mountain Dew while humming Hella Good in a tuneless sort of way.

"… -.-# Himizu?" Ryouko said, glaring.

"Hm? Oh, right… Well, I figured out who killed my crew and who's been doodling all over Random Narrator Dude's script. I also know why."

"We're proud that you know how to tell us everything without any delays," Saru said.

"Shut up, you two have no comprehension of dramatic tension. Anyways… the culprit is… KARASU!!!" Himizu exclaimed dramatically.

"Huh?" he said.

"Don't deny it, you Makai damned bastard!" Himizu yelled.

"I grew up in Makai, why would it damn me?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A )!#$ING DISGRACE, THAT'S WHY!!!"

"You're mean."

"I try. NOW GIVE ME YOUR )!#$ING MARKER BEFORE I BRUTALLY MURDER YOU!!!"

"But death is a passionate and personal thing."

"-.-()()() Whatever. Ass. NOW STOP TRYING TO RUIN MY FIC!!! GIVE ME THE GODDAMN MARKER BEFORE I SIC ALL THE DEMONS FROM THE SEVEN HELLS OF HADES ON YOU!!! "

"You don't have control over the demons from the seven hells of Hades."

"You wanna bet?"

Demons from the seven hells of Hades appeared and started chasing Karasu.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Himizu laughed.

The demons from the seven hells of Hades grabbed Karasu and dragged him off to the pits of Hell.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Himizu laughed.

"But how did you know?" Mitari asked.

"I think it had something to do with the death threats and obscure references to kidnapping and molesting Kurama written on the wall with that damn pink permanent marker…" Himizu said, twitching slightly.

"-.-() Let's just start the next scene…" Ryouko and Saru said.

King Koenma: Lancelot Kurama! Lancelot Kurama! Lancelot Kurama!

Bedevere Yusuke: Lancelot Kurama! Lancelot Kurama!

King Koenma: Lancelot Kurama!

Kurama is being arrested by cops.

"Occifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!!!

Himizu was standing off-screen watching this. "Lunacat, you shouldn't be filming this… wait a second… KURAMA!!! Have you been in the sake!!!"

"Hic!" Kurama looked very guilty.

"Damnit!" she yelled, running out and beating the crap out of Kurama.

"Lunacat, you really shouldn't be filming this… The children don't need to see this," Ryouko said.

"The children have already heard you three swearing like sailors, seen vicious beatings, witnessed you bragging about attacking old ladies…" Lunacat began listing.

"Um… That's enough of that… -.-()" Ryouko said.

"Why don't we go back to Koenma and Yusuke… heh heh… -.-()" Saru said.

(Back to Koenma and Yusuke)

King Koenma: Lancelot Kurama!

Bedevere Yusuke: Lancelot Kurama! Lancelot Kurama!

Demons Dressed as Angels: (Singing) Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd!

Saru's crowbar: WHAM!!!

Demons Dressed as Angels: X.X

King Koenma: The Castle Aaaagh. Our quest is at an end! Enma be praised! Almighty Enma, we thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy…

Catapult: TWONG!

Sheep that were thrown by catapult: BAAA!!!!

King Koenma: Enma-sama! (Is hit by a flying sheep)

French Guard Chuu: Allo, dappy English k-niggets and Monsieur Koenma King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. So, we French fellows outwit you a second time!

King Koenma: How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors of this sacred castle, to which Enma Himself has guided us!

French Guard Chuu: How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters.

King Koenma: In the name of Enma, we demand entrance to this sacred castle!

French Guard Chuu: No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!

King Koenma: If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force!

(French Guards throw tomatoes)

Tomatoes: Splat!

King Koenma: In the name of Enma and the glory of our… (Is hit by tomatoes)

(French Guards laugh)

King Koenma: Agh. Right! That settles it!

French Guard Chuu: Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already! Ha ha haaa ha!

King Koenma: Walk away. Just ignore them.

French Guard Chuu: And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! Thpppt!

(More taunting)

King Koenma: We shall attack at once!

Bedevere Yusuke: Yes… my liege! (Gritting teeth)

King Koenma: Stand by for attack!

(Exciting music)

(Exciting music stops)

(Crickets chirp)

(Crickets are killed by bug spray wielding Himizu)

King Koenma: French persons!

French Guards: ...Dappy!

King Koenma: Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. In the name of Enma…

French Guards: Hoo hoo! Ohh, ha ha ha ha ha!

King Koenma: ...we shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Grail returns to those whom Enma has chosen!

French Guards: Ha ha ha!

King Koenma: Charge!

Army of Knights: Hooray!

(Police car pulls up)

Genkai: (Wife of Onji back in chapter six who was killed by evil Hiei) Yes, they're the ones. I'm sure.

Inspector Kaito: Come on. Anybody armed must go, too.

Officer Mitari: All right. Come on. Back.

Genkai: Get that one. (Points at Yusuke)

Bedevere Yusuke: What the heck, you old crone!

Officer Mitari: Back. Right away. Just... pull it off. Come on. Come along.

Inspector: Kaito: Put this man in the van.

Officer Mitari: Clear off. Come on.

Bedevere Yusuke: With whom?

Inspector Kaito: Which one?

Officer Mitari: Oh… this one.

Inspector Kaito: Come on. Put him in the van.

Officer Kido: Get a blanket.

Officer Mitari: We have no hospital.

Random Demon: Ahh.

Random Demon 2: Ooh.

Officer Mitari: Come on. Back. Riiight back. Come on!

Officer Kido: Run along! Run along!

Officer Mitari: Pull that off. My, that's an offensive weapon, that is.

Officer Kido: Come on. Back with 'em. Back. Right. Come along.

Inspector Kaito: Everything?

Officer Mitari: All right, sonny. That's enough. Just pack that in.

They packed all sixty-three knights into a five feet by eight feet clown car (the ones that are really tiny but have like fifty clowns in them… o.O) and slammed the door, then pushed the car down a large hill and right out the studio through the wall.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the people in the car.

"Christ!" Lunacat yelped.

"Damnit! Who forgot to put the brakes down on that car?!" Himizu cried. The Cast just looked at her blankly. Himizu sighed. "Oh well, we're done with the studio. Thank goodness… But I suppose I better repair it anyways since you never know what I'll use this thing again."

"O.O RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the Cast, running away.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FREAKS!!! YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT HARDER ON YOURSELVES WHEN I CATCH UP WITH YOU!!!"

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the new improved version of The Holy Grail. I could have kicked myself when I realized that I hadn't explained what Himizu saw to make her freak out so bad… but that's fixed. And it's done. And now I begin my super-secret something that will be the greatest triumph of my fanfic writing career… and which I will probably work on for the next two years. But you all will enjoy it, I'm sure. See you in the next fic!


End file.
